Chinese New Year and guys, help me talk to That Thing...

Happy Chinese New Year evewybody!
It's the Chinese New Year and there are wots and wots and wots of yummy noms!See what I gotted!And That Thing does not know how to appweciate this!
Which is just as well because I got to eat both mine, and his!
Yummy!

And speaking of That Thing, he's weawwy making mine fur gwey.
That wittle kitty whom he thinks is his girlfwiend, oh well, wet me tell you the entire stowy wight fwom the beginning.
Wemember when mine Mummy first bwought the kitten home, I was oh not so happy at all.
In fact I was ANGWY!
Because I could see wight away, she's not going to fit into our famiwy.
But That Thing, he's just pwain siwwy.
He thinks that kitten is his girlfwiend.
So I was vewy angwy.
So I HISSSSSSED at the kitten whenever I could see her, which was not often because she was behind a cwosed door. I hissed at the door too, but being a genius, I knew that hissing at a door doesn't help anything.
And That Thing, he's just so siwwy, so I hissed at him too.
And I whapped him on the nose so that he can understand he's being siwwy for thinking that kitten is his girlfwiend. But obviouswy, That Thing's just not cwever enough so I had to give him wike a squiwwion whaps.
Do you guys think I wike to whap him?
Why I would wather take a nap and dweam of stinky goodness! But I did it for That Thing's good!

Well, that is until yesterday night.
Mine Mummy opened the door of the woom and that wittle kitten wan out!
And when That Thing saw her, he twied to kiss her, thinking she's his girlfwiend!
And you know what he gotted?
Ha....a scwatch on his nose!
Still he didn't give up and went wooking for that kitten.
And she hissed at him!
And even attempted to scwatch him again!

Well, I would have wet them have fun if not for That Thing whining away and....wunning to hide behind me, all the while scweaming HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME! MY GIRLFRIEND IS KILLING ME!
So what could I do but give my humongous HISSSSSS at the wittle kitten so that she would weave That siwwy Thing awone!
She's weawwy a tewwor because she did not give up immediatewy after mine hiss. She was still twying to get at That Thing. So I had to stand in between her and That Thing and gware at her to pwevent her fwom kiwwing That siwwy Thing! And when she finawwy did see mine paw of death, well onwy then did she swink behind mine Mummy and obedientwy go back into the woom. Don't you think she's weawwy a wittle tewwor?

So what happened after this?
Goodness me....That Thing seems to think I'm his hewo now and keeps on fowwowing me!!!!
I go on the bed, he fowwows me on the bed. I go under the bed, he fowwows me under the bed. I go into the kitchen, he fowwows me into the kitchen. What's the worse? I go to have a poop, he squeezes into the witterbox with me!!! Goodness!!!
I mean, no matter what, I would have pwotected That Thing because he's after all mine famiwy and that kitten is NOT. But, I did it because he's mine famiwy. That's all. Can you guys make That Thing understand that I do not want him to think that I'm his hewo and I do not want him to fowwow me awound and well, just weave me awone!